I'm going back!

I'm going back!
Replacing striving with grace and gratitude in Jesus
by Joel Howard

There are joys I once knew
Experiences I left behind
That I have never celebrated
Never thought about again

There are firsts and seconds
That I have never allowed back 
Things I thought I had to keep quiet
And couldn't repeat aloud

And I stop
I go back to the beginning
And I let myself relive them:

The games I used to play
When I was three and no one was looking
The first dates I thought 
I couldn't talk about
The glance outside my window
As I enjoyed my favorite season
The good grades I received
back in high school and before
The best friends I had to leave
A half dozen times again
The successes in my younger years
That time in college when I walked by chapel
And heard a congregation singing
A song I had written years before in prayer
I stop and I allow myself to go there
I stop and I yield to a smile
I stop and I allow my heart to speak about them
I stop and I breathe again
I'm going back!

Something told my heart
Time and time again
"Moving on is what we do 
It's what we do"

Someone told my heart
"Shove it down 
and move on, friend
Moving on is what we do -
It's what we do"

I am asking for a surgeon
In you, Jesus Christ
Engrain in me your love 
Once again
I am asking for a miracle
Breathe life on these dry remains
Engrain in me your grace
Once again
Renew me with a heart 
Of thanksgiving
And gratitude
I'm going back!

Let me see my life
From the place of the cross
Where you hung and died
Let me stop
You renew my life
You give me things 
I never asked for
O Jesus Christ
Take me back
I'm going back!

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