I'm going back!

I'm going back!

Replacing striving with grace and gratitude in Jesus

by Joel Howard

There are joys I once knew

Experiences I left behind

That I have never celebrated

Never thought about again

There are firsts and seconds

That I have never allowed back 

Things I thought I had to keep quiet

And couldn't repeat aloud

And I stop

I go back to the beginning

And I let myself relive them:

The games I used to play

When I was three and no one was looking

The first dates I thought 

I couldn't talk about

The glance outside my window

As I enjoyed my favorite season

The good grades I received

back in high school and before

The best friends I had to leave

A half dozen times again

The successes in my younger years

That time in college when I walked by chapel

And heard a congregation singing

A song I had written years before in prayer

I stop and I allow myself to go there

I stop and I yield to a smile

I stop and I allow my heart to speak about them

I stop and I breathe again

I'm going back!

Something told my heart

Time and time again

"Moving on is what we do 

It's what we do"

Someone told my heart

"Shove it down 

and move on, friend

Moving on is what we do -

It's what we do"

I am asking for a surgeon

In you, Jesus Christ

Engrain in me your love 

Once again

I am asking for a miracle

Breathe life on these dry remains

Engrain in me your grace

Once again

Renew me with a heart 

Of thanksgiving

And gratitude

I'm going back!

Let me see my life

From the place of the cross

Where you hung and died

Let me stop

You renew my life

You give me things 

I never asked for

O Jesus Christ

Take me back

I'm going back!